This is London calling ..

In the battle for Glasgegrad, key to making Scotland permanent lebensraum for the great leader's shooting parties, fishing and stalking, we are pleased to announce our glorious allies in the Free Scotch for Westminster Army are advancing on all fronts. Vanquishing the squirming social democrat Nats and their communist allies at every turn. The Great Leader wants to reassure all Britons in England that their access to the benefits of gas, oil and electricity are at no risk as the campaign and break out from the Glasgegrad Kessel will soon be successful. The Great Leader has said this is how it will be and so it will be. To think or print anything else is a sign of weakness to both your country and the Great Leader.

Meanwhile in the Downing Street command bunker known as the Moetschloss the Great Leader's top generals are beginning to have doubts about the intelligence, reassurance and information coming out of the Rathaus command bunker under George Square in Glasgegrad:

"Alistair Darling has been dubbed “comatose” by senior Conservatives, amid signs of growing frustration in Downing Street over the former Labour chancellor’s leadership of the “Better Together” Scottish campaign........ "

The Great Leader's generals are now doubting the Great Leader's choice of general to lead the coalition's forces in the Glasgegrad pocket complaining Harrumphingfuhrer Darling of the Free Scotch for Westminster Army only got the job because there was no one else willing to take it on, willing to put their head over the parapet. This was a difficult choice for Harrumphingfuhrer Darling as the other option was to put a gun to his head and empty it of anything left after the disastrous campaign of Mortgagesgunbad in 2008 or be awarded the Vermin Medal (with funny name) for coming out in the total victory the Great Leader expects and deserves from us.  

"The man has never run a campaign,” said one very senior Tory figure. “He is comatose most of the time.”

The Generals in the Moetschloss are concerned that Harrumphingfuhrer Darling does not have the vision nor the ability to inspire his troops in the battle ahead to break out from the Glasgegrad kessel.

 "One Downing Street source described Mr Darling as a “dreary figurehead” for such an important campaign. ......"

But we must hold firm, we cannot allow the fears of the self interested Generals in the Moetschloss, who should be loyal to our Great Leader, to move us one inch from our British patriotic right to lord it over Scotland. Our Great Leader never turns back from a course he is set on, he never gives in to arguments that are not his own; even now he is planning ways to help Harrumphingfuhrer Darling break free from the Glasgegrad kessel. Our Great Leader is promising the Free Scotch for Westminster Army secret weapons which will destroy these rebellious Scots once and for all, some have already been used with devastating effect. More are being deployed as we speak. Have faith the Great Leader will win the day. The Great Leader has sent one of our finest generals to help Harrumphingfuhrer Darling to win the day, to bolster and gird up the Free Scotch for Westminster Army - Unterharrumphingfuhrer Carmichael. This man is greatly feared by our enemies according to news intercepts from Nat communiques. The Nats and their cowardly friends tremble at his every word and even now hide quaking in their Iron Age Roundhouses with outside toilets and no shower facilities at the threat of retribution he bears with him. Left only with ancient Pictish curses to defend themselves from the on coming holocaust.

"Mr Carmichael was deemed by many commentators to have received a rhetorical drubbing by Nicola Sturgeon, Scotland’s deputy first minister, in a television debate last week."

The Great Leader saw the power and success of Unterharrumphingfuhrer Carmicheal when forces under his command won a vital battle to protect the perimeter of Glasgegrad. The Great Leader has already awarded Carmicheal the Knighthood Cross with bollocks, if he survives the campaign and wins through. Complete success may see the great and powerful Unterharrumphingfuhrer be awarded the Vermine Medal (with funny name) as well - such is the great and wondrous generosity of our Great Leader and all his works.

“This gruesome spectacle was only beamed into Scottish households – a shame, because David Cameron really ought to have seen it. It would have shown just how much trouble the Union is in,” Fraser Nelson, editor of the Spectator wrote in the Sunday Telegraph."

 Remember, we Britons will prevail. We must prevail! Do everything you can to support the Great Leader in this vital battle to retain the last tattered shreds of our once and soon to be once more glorious British Empire. We Britons have much to lose, more than just the Great Leader and his friends hunting and shooting estates - infinitely more: our reason for being superior to all these bloody 'Johnny' foreigners who surround and now invade our country. We have to stop the Scots becoming foreigners. We must save them from this fate. You must believe the Great Leader and Harrumphingfuhrer Darling will win the day. Only total commitment and total belief is open to real Britons. Any thoughts to the contrary, any thought the Nats might win, is un-British and beneath you, do not even think it. Hold those who say 'All is lost' in contempt. Report these infidels and their cowardly thoughts to BBC Broadcasting House in London where we will be more than happy to pass them on to the appropriate authorities.

Pray for our comrades in Glasgegrad - that they will prevail.

"Quotes": courtesy of the Investor's Chronicle 03/12/13.