Hmmmm .....

Well how was that for you?

What? You say Rise and the SSP did not get a seat and that is unfair because they were part of the 'Yes Campaign'? The reason is the dastardly SNP's shout for both votes .... and because of that the SNP have let the Tories in?

Now wait a wee minute, pal; the reason the SSP and Rise got squat didily seats was because they did not trigger enough votes to get a look in on the 'List' vote. The reason for that being, in the main, the vast majority of Scots do not buy the pseudo-Marxism by any other name both of these parties peddled. It is not the SNP's fault these parties got zip but the Scottish Electorate which rejected them and their policies. I know it is hard for 'left wing' activists to get a handle on just how democracy works, as they always know what is best for everyone else which is to vote for their party, but please try.

In other news; the SNP had a bigger vote share on both the constituency and list than in 2011 but ended up with fewer list seats because they won more constituencies than in 2011 and even with Dewar's specially rigged d'Hondt system were only three seats short of an absolute majority. This loss of seats has the media Yooners claiming this is a disaster for the SNP even though more Scots voted SNP in 2016 than in 2011.

I am at a loss to understand where the narrative of this result being a great 'Conservative victory' and a 'turning point' for the Conservatives in Scotland comes from. According to number crunchers, the Tory vote share in Scotland is still well below that of the 'Thatcher years'. It can only be seen in such hyperbolic heights in terms of the Tory 'defeat' of Labour but as Labour were to all intents and purposes a dead man walking, if not actual zombies, then it is not that great a result. The 'Scotch Tories beat a decomposing corpse to second place' does not have much of a ring to it, mind. What we are actually seeing is the Blairites returning to vote for the party they should have been voting for, for the last 19 years - The Tories.

So now Ruth, Tank commander, has won this great victory, for her second trick she will single handedly stop the SNP from putting any of their manifesto promises into place and as for any hint of a referendum if the UK exits the EU all she can say to Saint Nicola of the SNP is, 'Ils ne passeron pas' with not a hint of irony in her voice. 

But wait; down in the Labour crypt, under the Glasgow City Chambers, a zombie began to moan, "What we need is a referendum on home rule for Scotland." as the basis for Scotch Labour to begin yet another comeback from the dead which their consultant on 'comebacks from the dead', one Lazarus McShoogle, simply shook his head in disbelief (but not too hard, in case it fell off - part of the problem with being a Zombie, it is not all laughs and japes after all). In the mean times the Labour Zombie MSPs (ZMSP) swapped their only talking head among themselves and still were unable to agree on anything except it was all the SNPs fault for being much better at the politics game than they are. 

So as the dust settles from the latest round of Zombie extinctions what is the real situation?

Well I see it this way; 

Ruth and her 24 Tory Scorpion tanks has about as good a chance of survival when she comes up against Nicola's SNP Challenger 3 tank squadron, as a squadron of 24 Allied Sherman tanks would against a couple of well dug in Tiger Tanks - not a lot. Unlike the Allies in 1944, Ruth does not have more tanks, even if they are inferior, than her opponent and she is walking into a killing zone of her, well dug in, opponents choosing. A FMQ killing zone covered in mines just waiting for her to drive over, with well defined and ranged arcs of fire for the SNP's 'anti Ruth' guns. Not even a hint of a Pyrrhic victory there for Ruth, just another massacre (or as BBC Scotland's news team will report it, a close run thing, nearly forcing a concession from the SNP.)

It is going to be messy and a there is little chance of help from the Zombies as they triangulate themselves backwards to Keir Hardy in the hope that 'Home Rule' policies of the 1890's might breathe some life back into them. While the Zombies may survive having parts of themselves blown off, it is a messy job sticking the bits back on and what if they put Sawar's head on Baillie or mix up Dugdale's legs with Henry's body and she ends up walking in the wrong direction? So they will prefer to duck and stay out of the line of fire.

Then there is the Libdem 'Pushmepullyou' for Ruth to fall back on ... 'maybees aye an' maybees naw' on that one then.