Tuesday, 12 November 2013

What do Tigger's like?

I remember reading the Winnie the Pooh story about discovering what the new animal to the Wild, Wild Wood actually needed and how long it took to find out just what Tigger's liked. The story came into my mind over the last week as I watched and listened to Westminster politicians acting just like Tigger, trying to decide just what it was they needed to live in the Wild, Wild Woods of Scotland.

The Westminster Tigger 'boinged' here over Grangemouth, there over Govan and over the Pooh Sticks river to Scotstoun. Then Tigger wondered if Tigger should be in the Wild, Wild Woods of Scotland in the first place and boinged off to the Portsmouth Wilderness to see if that would not be better.

Tigger stuck Tigger's paws into the Falkirk mess and that was not to their liking - it tasted toxic and burnt Tigger's paw badly.

Tigger tried Unite, only to fall further apart. Tigger thought about asking Eyore but she was in her bunker under George Square and 'No fir comin oot, so Tigger could stick his thistle where the sun don't shine.' especially after the boxing around the ears she took from Kanga on the Thursday, for being stupid. The troubles of a Tigger were something Eyore could do well with out

The Westminster Tigger continued to bounce nowhere and everywhere, looking for what it should like. Tigger tried to gerrymander Trade Union decisions to be agreeable, claiming five folk were a quorum of their Scottish membership and that the Unions did not want the jobs for the membership in Scotland at Govan, Scotstoun and Grangemouth, well not if the Wild Wild Woods of Scotland became an independent park. Tigger then bounced the other way and said Tigger's did want all these folk who might vote for them to have a job after all.

Then at last Alisdair the Pooh and Blair Piglet managed to get Tigger calmed down and asked Tigger, after all this exhausting and meaningless bouncing around hither, thither and thon, what Westminster Tigger's actually needed to live and it turned out to be - a gravy train, a nice long and expensive gravy train.

Funnily Christopher Salmond and most everyone else in the Wild, Wild Woods of Scotland could have told Alisdair the Pooh and his Piglet pal this, with out all the fuss, damage and nonsense Tigger had created in the first place. Then again it was well known in the Wild, Wild Woods; Alisdair the Pooh was not the smartest bear on the block.

Christopher Salmond still loved Pooh, as Pooh was winning the argument for Christopher about the new rules of Pooh sticks all on his own.

The End ...

Apologies to A.A. Milne ....

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