Monday, 8 June 2015

Plenty of Nothing

So Cameron thinks the Tory's 'Scotch Bill' is the bees knees or at least that is what he has told Fluffy Mundell to tell us. It is going to be the most amazingest and super duper devolution settlement in the whole wide world that will leave even the most devolutionist country in the whole wide world green with envy - it is going to be that amazing with sprinkles on top.

We Scots should be salivating at the thought of all these new powers that kind Mr Cameron's Tories are about to bless us sweaty, should all be sold into slavery, ungrateful, Jockanese twerps but there is a wee problem these super duper, lovely jubby powers and that is they come with out the fiscal control to do squat diddly with them.

Having read the much watered down Smith Commission proposals which Alistair 'pants on fire' Carmichael tried to flog us as fulfilling the infamous 'Broon Vow' (which should be the title a boring opera by Wagner) and compared them with the actual Smith recommendations which were similar to another tendentious musical overture 'Also sprach Smith's truths, sah', you could sense some similarity of theme, in the way of comparing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony with anything by Lady Gaga, in that they both contain musical notes though not necessarily played in the same order or key or time.

What the Tories have done is take Alistair 'Pants on Fire' Carmichael's Eurovision tune to vow us, turned the score upside down and then had it transcribed by Alton Berg into an atonal, twelve note fugue for nose flute. As an encore they then have had Fluffy Mundell play it 'au Petomaine' and unsurprisingly it has ended up as a complete load of old arse.

It is sad to disillusion 'Wee Eck' but it does appear Cameron's Tories do think us Jockanese, subsidy junkies zip up the back of our heads as they try to re-run Cromwell's Battle of Dunbar by aiming to reduce the Scots to abject destruction, desolation and a return to what is in effect a form of slavery to the benighted UK Union. A sort of reverse 'Braveheart' moment, 'We will take all your tax income and you can live in poverty'.

Cameron is relying on Labour's hatred of the SNP, their current leaderless and rudderless ship to ensure the Tories can simply do what they want and call it a 'good settlement' for the Scotch, as they expect  Labour to either vote with them or abstain. Given Labour's track record up to now it looks a pretty safe bet this is exactly what they will do. 

There is clearly little thought being given by either of the Unionist Parties of the impact of the failure to meet even the minimum Smith recommended on the Scottish electorate and it comes to something when even the Daily Record has now come down off the Labourtory fence and, in effect, said, "Hud oan a wee minute, pal, this is no e'en close tae whit you telt us tae print anent yon Vow, ye scunners, an' here ir we ta'en a richt guid kickin' tae oor circulation an' oor pey envelope, forbye, an ir noo left lookin lik richt skelly eedjits. Oor papir is headin doon the kundy alang we aa the rest o' the shite an youse hae pu'd the flush."

Cameron may be offering us Scotch 'Plenty of Nothing' but unlike the song from 'Porgy and Bess - nothing ain't plenty for me'.


  1. Naw an ne'er enough fer me anaw.

  2. And what about all the submissions from small businesses and voluntary organisations and individuals that Smith did not have the time to consider?