Saturday, 1 February 2014

The Last Big Push

Major General Cameron and his Army HQ staff in Whitehall had their backs to the wall trying to defend in depth on a number of fronts, simultaneously. His Brigadier Duncan-Smith of the Welfare Cuts Brigade had just taken a pummeling from those pesky folk on his Central European front who had make some serious breeches in his Welfare plans which in turn could threaten a break through for his opponents. Cameron's medical brigade were also in distress, unable to deal with the casualties coming their way from the current Austerity Offensive and talk of unnecessary deaths were starting to spook the troops. What was even worse was one of his key HQ support divisions were threatening mutiny against his current European strategy and refusing to follow orders.

The Cameron's Paymaster General had taken on excessive borrowing which he had largely committed into the lost
Passchendaele of the Banks which was seeing men, materials and money sucked into an ever worsening quagmire and ever more disastrous stalemate for all sides.

For Major General Cameron there was no sign of the break through on any front, a breakthrough he needed badly as the news was his bosses were considering replacing him with his arch military nemesis, Major General 'Red' Milliband. A man who Cameron feared would not stick with the battle plan for the continuing Austerity Offensive. He turned, as many General's had before, to his Labour Division, his Jocks in skirts, to turn the tide for him. Murphy's Labour division schemed and planned, planned and schemed until they came up with a plan which could not fail. Not even Baldrick could fail with this plan. They would launch their most powerful weapon yet on a narrow front. This was their moment, this would be the big break through, the enemy would not be able to resist the Sterling denial barrage they were going to put up.

The barrage of Sterling denial grew slowly in intensity up to 'D' day, by the Wednesday all calibers were hard at it, blasting away at the opposition, nothing surely could survive such a pummeling from the huge bores of the BBC to the chittering response of Johnstone Press's many light mortars and famed Scotsman mortar. Then on Thursday lunch time the barrage lifted and Murphy's Labour Division, Lamont Regiment went into the attack.

No sooner had they started and their own Lords Siege Artillery started falling short, causing immediate casualties, especially, on Lamont's right wing. As the Lamont regiment moved into the withering fire of their opposition the leader lost heart, panicked and stalled the attack. As the opposition's fire carried on in the same intensity Lamont looked back and saw the Liber - Dem company had never got out of the trench and her own people were scuttling back in ever greater numbers.

The great break through had failed. Lamont looked around at the corpsing her actions had caused in both spectators and her opposition. Time to get back out of the line of fire to her command bunker on George Square and await the inevitable beasting from the divisional commander General 'Jumping Jim' Murphy when he came to ask what went wrong this time. Amongst her troops and junior officers the talk was of replacement, and soon, before one of them was forced into shooting her because morale which had been at the bottom of a barrel was now rock bottom. Recruits were harder to attract and an recent attempt recruiting at railway stations around Scotland had been met with derision and contempt, even in their usual recruiting heartlands.

The Von Sawar Plan had failed, the last big push, what was now left?

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