Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Section 30 - Dinosaur Preservation Society

The Westminster dinosaurs roared and generally banged around the place doing little or no damage except to themselves while the next evolutionary step said, 'Thank you for making this happen. We could not have done this without you.' while the irony of the opening speech sailed over the dinosaur's heads.

What was sad, was to watch and hear the Brontosaurus Labourii grunt and shuffle thier way through the same speeches they have been trotting out since it became clear their evolutionary niche in Scotland is under severe pressure and shrinking back to a few areas in the Scottish Western wetlands. Even as the Labourii rose ponderously to speak their natural environment was coming under further pressure from discovery of another out break of brownenvelopmycosis which has been causing electoral rot to kill off their core food stuff across Scotland, over the last decade, and to which they are no longer resistant.

The chamber at Westminster held its breath as sub species Labourii Doinasaur took wind and set sail into a powerful concatanation of why being out evolved by these new smaller more agile species of warmed blooded Scotish Native Pinemartins (SNP) was bad news. According to the Doinasaur these furry, friendly and nippy wee political mammals would see an end to the species Englander by enticing them into a trap called Bannock burn and murdering them all if the Labourii did not stop them. The SNP were vermin and needed to be eradicated before they did in all the Brontosaur's Scottish nest eggs and wrecking their present and future generations. Unfortunately none of the pinemartins were present to hear the Doinasaur as they had nipped out to top up on meal worms and a few field voles - Species Microtus Liberodemocraticus: a hybrid vole which can switch between being cold or warm blooded animals. The Libero species have found this a useful survival tactic in the vastness of Scotland, up until recently. This Microtus species runs around in groups of five but rarely vocalise as to do so normally sees them eaten by the pinemartins.

At one point a Liberodemocraticus Moorii did get on its hind legs to squeak but did so from the safety of the head of a Toryraptor, a dinosaur which they have recently entered into a symbiotic relationship to protect themselves from extinction. The Toryraptor is in serious risk of extinction in Scotland and a preservation society has been set up to bring people's awareness to the risk of the Toryraptor's Scottish existence. So far the Tory Development for Maximum survival chances (known as the Devo-max campaign) has seen little support and they are concerned the Toryraptor Mundanei could be the last living example in Scotland. Given the rarity of the Toryraptor Mundanei the last survivor is kept under wraps as its call is said to be grating. Many observers are waiting to see at which point the Toryraptors will turn to feeding off the Libero voles.

Further up the evolutionary tree a final valiant attempt was made by Labourii Awus to warn the Scots off believing anything the pinemartins said. According to Labourii Awus the pinemartins were lead by an all powerful king martin living on the Isle of Bute who would bite anyone who disagreed with him in the neck. Observers of Scottish Native Pinemartins found this hard to believe as at a recent Autumnal event which saw numerous pinemartins collecting around Perth the genral observation was leading the SNP was up there with herding cats on a level of difficulty as the pinemartins all semed to nip each others necks at every turn and were always up for a fight, shifting groups as the whim took them. Some how, at the end, they had been aligned but the process has still to be understood as how it happens is contained with in a massive ball of pinemartins and flying fur.

In the end the Brontosaur Labourii and Toryraptors simply gave in and let the SNP have their way.

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