Monday, 2 November 2015

The Automaton Scottish Labour Party

Another weekend, another Scottish Labour car crash.

Over at BBC Scotland, Glen Cambellywambly has tried to drag something positive from events while letting all the outrageous lies and distortions pass him by. The BBC Scotland web site Campbellywambly piece can be reduced to "Maybees aye, maybees naw to Trident, the Unions are at each others necks so can not be trusted" but always "SNP baaad".

For this monumentally ineffective and dissembling attempt at a debate over a policy Scottish Labour will just have to do what ever its telt by UK (aka London) Labour you end up with a situation those ace satirists and observers of modern politics and economics, Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchet, would have rejected as just too far fetched to be even the slightest bit credible.

Douglas Adams would have struggled to create the ' Jackie Baillie Jobs Coefficient' (JBJC) which takes 120 MoD employed jobs directly related to handling of the Trident submarines at Faslane and converts this number to 15,000. Using the JBJC (x 125 multiplier) means Scottish Labour can claim, instead of the 187 delegates actually in the hall in Perth, there were 23,000 present. Using the JBJC there were over 250,000 at the SNP Conference in Aberdeen - you would have thought Glen Campbellywambly would be slavering over that but then even he knows this is utter mince. His piece on the BBC Scotland web site reads as if written by Douglas Adams' two philosphers, Broomfondel and Magicthighs, who fought against any clear cut answers to the world and universe's great intellectual questions demanding clear and well defined areas of uncertainty and ignorance as they would otherwise find themselves out of a job. If the answer to the great questions of the world and universe is '42' just where does that leave pundits, like Mr Campbellywambly any wiggle room?

This weekend was Automaton Scottish Labour's 'Deep Thought' moment. After thousands of years calculating the electoral advantage for Dugdale and her troops in the run up to May 2016, the massive, Jockistan Blairite Triangulating Computer awoke and came up with the answer '42' and announced the policies they sought were yet to be created and it was incapable of their design. The computer stated it was insignificant and not fit to speak of the even Greater Blairite Triangulating Computer at UK Labour HQ, a computer so megalomaniac it had yet to speak of Automaton Scottish Labour existence in any meaningful form, so they should debate Trident instead because no matter the vote in Petrh (copyright N Sturgeon), London would make the policy but at least it would give Glen Campbellywambly something 'sensational' to write about for BBC Scotland's web site.

Meanwhile over in Camermorpork the Scottish Tories were doing a good impression of a Pushmepullyou as they first moved one way and then the other deciding whether or not to hold their conference in the probable event that nasty Gnats were going to stand out side waving placards at them. 

According to the, utterly factual and never know to bend the truth, Daily Mail the nasty Gnats have undemocratically chased the poor wee Tories out of town, so terrified of pagan, Gnat, left wingers and their hostile and aggressive acts were they. Potential acts such as pointing what a bunch of lying toe-rags they are, as Scottish pensioners are now £1400 worse off a year thanks to Tory Party policy and not because of independence.

How dare the Gnats say these things and how nasty to threaten to tell the Tory blue rinse brigade the truth of just how detested they remain in Scotland. On the other hand according to the hotel in Largs the bash is still going ahead and they are expecting 87 delegates or so (using the JBJC means 10,875 Conservative delegates will be there). Police Scotland are still awaiting payment from last year's Scottish Tory Conference so may well be 'unavailable' due to other priorities that weekend. Funnily there is no mention in the Daily Mail article of the money owed to Plod Scotland by their heroes.

So just another daily load of old tosh from the British Establishment media to follow on from last week's constitutional crisis which never was and any other load of old bollocks they think they can get the peons in England and Record reading OAPs of Scotland to believe.

What next? Putin ate my hamster?

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