Thursday, 11 February 2016

Shrove Term Report

Boy: Cameron David

House: Downing Street

Status: Headboy

Form: Upper 6th



Made a poor start this term and then only got worse, the boy Hunt has lead him widely astray in his claims of being able to 'fix it' for Branson and other House members to 'cash in' on privatising medicine. Unable to bring the future doctor's on side and their joint bullying approach has only made things far worse, to the point where disaster looms and the doctors are heading elsewhere.

Term mark:   F-


His approach to this term's work can only be described as a disaster waiting to happen. His joint project with Duncan-Smith was never planned properly nor much consideration given to its costs or funding. As a result Duncan-Smith has already been before the 'beaks' and told to think carefully before taking any further action and mend his ways before he gets a damn good thrashing from the Prefects. Cameron and Duncan-Smith are still seeking to blame the deaths of plebs, who have been the butt of this odious project, are simply statistical errors or unfortunate collateral damage and would have died anyway. They fail to see the tests they have proscribed to assess the plebs worthiness for welfare are simply not equitable. To put it simply one result of their testing regime decided a blind woman with no legs and only one hand should be retrained as a JCB driver which clearly raises grave concerns as to the basis of whole undertaking. Let alone the computer program promised as part of the project has yet to be proven of any use or effectiveness, even after spending some £197 million pounds on it.

Term mark: F-


The least said about his abject failure to grasp the basics of this complex subject, the better, but copying his mid term set essay on 'Building the British Economy' from Gideon Osborne was neither wise nor smart given the Osborne's brother has just been rusticated for an illicit engagement with a local farmer's daughter and the school takes a poor view on their Pa's attempts to avoid paying the school fees on the grounds of him living in the British Virgin Islands

Term mark: F- 


Where do I begin in trying to describe Cameron's utter and abject failure to grasp the problems of Scottish devolution?  His essay on this subject and his proposed solution was so far off the mark I can not begin to understand where he did his research or who guided his hand. His basic premise of the 'Jakey Jocks' being so stupid that they would not notice £7 billion being taken away from their pocket money was startling, even to a 'Jockophobe' like myself, as was his theory that by cutting the sum being cut from £7 billion to £3 billion of cuts was equivalent of 'giving' the Scots £4 billion is as facetious, as it is ignorant. A little research would have disabused him of his arrogant claims of the stupidity of the Scots, especially when it comes to money and economics (see Cameron's Economics mark for the term and ask yourself just who is stupid when it comes to matters monetary; it is clearly not the Scots)

Term mark: F-


At this point I am afraid my patience with Cameron has met its bounds. He has little or no grasp of the important inter-relationship with Europe as the UK's major trading partner nor the core function of the EU which is to prevent future continental wars in Europe. His claims for a special relationship between the UK and the USA do not stand up to even minimal scrutiny nor does his argument on the purpose of the UK's nuclear weapons. I see the hand of Hillary Benn behind this 'faradiddle' but at least it was not as obvious a copy of someone else's work as was his economics's essay.

Term mark: F-


The high hopes I once had for Cameron are in serious decline much like the bottle of malt I am drinking as I write this. As head boy he has shown himself to be little more than a dissolute mouth piece for a multitude of others who actually pull his strings. Members of the House are wondering why they voted him 'Head Boy' in the first place and I have had word that a number of House Prefects would like to see him removed as head boy before his term of office reaches its natural end, such is the increasing mess he is making of even the simplest of things he touches. His choice of 'Fluffy' Mundell to direct this term's house play (The Scottish Play; as the thespians call it) is turning out to be a serious disaster and will cost the House any chance of retaining the Inter House Theater Trophy. Cameron's view that Mundell is the House's only token 'Jock' hardly bears much scrutiny when Mundell has flunked the responsibility placed on him to bring the play to fruition, time and time again.

What hope can I offer you, his parents, in this litany of despair and disaster?

Use your cash and influence to get him into any Oxbridge College you can and hope three years there will make a man of him. I believe St Swithins Oxford is on its 'uppers' and will look favourably on a 'donation' to its Porcine Research, Investigation, Corroboration and Knowledge fund.

1 comment:

  1. It's getting so that this is the first page I look for of a morning, now. Satire as it should be.