Tuesday, 8 April 2014

"I'll scream and scream, and scream until I'm sick"

Even the 'Save Alisdair Darling from real work' Campaign must have sunk their heads in despair after his performance on the Andrew Marr Show at the weekend as he launched his rather bald 'Yes campaign bad / No Campaign good' propaganda for this week.

It seemed a good wheeze after all we had the shocking claim from Ian Murray MP that some Yes campaign vandal had harassed his constituency window in Edinburgh's 'leafy' Newington with a single business card sized 'Yes' sticker. It seemed strange that the press focused on his constituency office door which had been vandalised by a local gang rather than the single sticker - but hey, it made for a better photograph and surely would have fooled a lot of folk into thinking how nasty the 'Cybernats' are.

Then we had the mystery Labour MP who has to hide their face when walking down the street in case they are harassed (this is apparently the No campaign's word of the week) by Cybernats. The claim is they hide their head in a 'hoodie' but I recon it is a brown paper bag with a couple of eye holes. Clearly it can not be the MP is actually being harassed by constituents because they voted with the Tories for a Welfare cap or the increasing number of food banks and folk in poverty in his or her constituency which they are doing sweet 'FA' about but hand wringing and saying 'austerity' over and over again in some perverted version of a Buddhist mantra - that could never be the case.

(As an aside; I have come to understand that when a Labour MP uses 'austerity' in defence of their ever more right wing policies they actually mean, " I dinnae agree, bit its fir ra best, there's goan tae be some jam ra morra, honest." while pauchling an increased personal income, the odd non executive directorship along with an ever larger Westminster expenses claim.)

In the Guardian, Ming the Merciless sounded his siren (as in a loud pitched) scream mixed with sentimental mush and pap on why he would be voting 'No'. As he waxed and waned in his fulsome praise of a political system he claims he wants to change (but only if we silly Scots vote 'No' - of course) the underlying theme of being harassed shone through. Ming the Merciless would not have had to commit himself to writing for the Guardian unless he was worried ordinary Scots were being harassed into voting 'Yes' by those agents of the political 'Mysterons' - the Cybernats. Clearly Ming the Merciless sees himself as Captain Green (on the more yellowish side than blue of green - a sort of bile green; you understand) with his main aim to discover and eradicate the 'Mysteron' agents on Earth at every turn.

Yesterday the Scotsman was harassed by Panelbase and Professor Curtice for its misleading headline which misrepresented both the poll's primary findings that the gap between 'Yes' and 'No' continues to narrow rapidly and also Professor Curtice's opinion on the findings. The Scotsman on line version headline changed three times, as the subs fought to get a negative enough headline which did not upset either the Prof or Panelbase. How upset must the 'No' campaign be when they start getting harassed by Professor Curtice for misusing his statements.

Today the BBC Scotland (motto: Never knowingly say anything bad about Labour) had this little headline gem from Lord Robertson of Poltroon - "Former secretary general of Nato, Lord Robertson, says Scottish independence would be cataclysmic for the West in an era of international turmoil.

Now here is a man who is truly harassed as all his cunning plans to kill the Cybernats' Mysteron controllers 'stone dead' have come to naught. He is now only left to warn the 'West' of his failure, the dangers of the 'Mysterons' and is rapidly descending, along with the No Campaign, into full Elizabeth Bott mode.

The message from all these increasingly harassed individuals in the 'No' campaign appears to be:

"Unless you vote 'No', I'm going to scream and SCReam and SCREAM until I am sick."

Someone pass them a bucket, please.

(For those who are too young to understand the Mysteron allusion - Google 'Captain Scarlet'.
Elizabeth Bott is 'Just William's' romantic interest - though he will strenuously deny it.)

1 comment:

  1. What? you mean, Elizabeth, William ? noooooooooo You lied to me Elizabeth I think i'll scweeeeemmmm!